Our hotel in Salisbury is reported to be “the oldest purpose-built hotel in England, possibly the world.” It began in the 1300’s as housing for the masons working on the cathedral. It’s the typical timber-framed inn with two inner courtyards.
I imagine my predecessors riding their horses into what’s now outdoor pub seating, strolling into the reception and taking rooms down the hall from where mine is. There are wonderful vines on the trellises in the courtyard and terrific mosses growing in nooks, crannies and on the walls and rooftop.
Inside, the creaky, uneven floors lead to wonderful staircases with great antiques at every turn. The breakfast room comes from right out of Central Casting. “One medieval banquet room, please.” Done.
Our room is moderately-sized, made nearly-impossible by the addition of a “Zed bed”—a folding bed for Helena (folds up into a Z-shape—get it?).
The girls were immediately thrilled by the stuffed lion—a cute perk. He awaits your arrival, sitting regally on a pillow, wearing his note that encourages you to leave him at the hotel, his home, but informing you that he has brothers for sale at the reception desk.
I’m thrilled at the tea set. Real tea bags and instant coffee. Perfect! I loathe coffee and love English tea, so I fire up the electric teapot before I can kick off one shoe. The kids are enjoying the separate hot and cold taps in the bathroom. They quickly figure out how to get a sinkful of appropriately lukewarm water and perform this minor miracle at every tap we encounter from that point forward.
The Zed bed looks, at first glance, dodgy (to steal from the Brits a word I plan to bring back to the U.S. and bring back strong—give it a try today—let me know how it goes). It’s clearly listing to the north with a gaping pit in the middle. I try it out and feel folded up like Jane Fonda on the cover of that videocassette. After wrestling with it a bit, I realize it’s because the housekeeping staff has tucked a full-sized sheet set, blanket and comforter under the mattress. To create a smooth “hospital corner” appearance, more than half the bedding is folded up under the bed. With a few aggressive yanks of fabric, the bed is flat and ready for action. Whew!
Breakfast at the inn is a pleasure. It’s not great food, but it’s quick and varied enough to keep the kids and I happy. The continental part has chocolate and plain croissants—delighting the girls. They quickly discover the blueberry muffins and cereal. Helena settles into a morning hot chocolate habit easily while Olivia gushes about how the fresh-squeezed (it’s not) orange juice is “delightful” (she’s using my mom’s favorite word—something that tickles me greatly). I enjoy the fried eggs, weird English bacon, roasted tomato and Portobello mushroom for a nice mix of morning protein and carbs. I can’t get the kids to eat anything other than carbs (muffins, croissants, cereal, toast), but I compromise nutritional balance in the name of family harmony.
The only bad experiences were the two false fire alarms that jarred us unpleasantly while we were staying. The first was on day 1 about 45 minutes after we arrived. I heard it sound in a far-off hallway before our in-room unit started shrieking. The kids quickly covered their ears and looked worried, but I was able to comfort and reassure them. Two nights later, they were more prepared, but still incredibly annoyed at a repeat of the false alarm at 11 PM. A quick call to reception verified that it was “most likely” a false report of a gas leak. Amazingly, Olivia seemed to fall back asleep while the damned thing was still shrieking. It ended after another 20 seconds, never to repeat again.
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