Okay, I'm saying that with more than the usual amount of sarcasm (which is really saying something, isn't it?). But the reality is that we have had few truly memorable culinary experiences in restaurants this past month. By way of explanation, let me share a few things I've learned/experienced/endured in and about restaurants this month.
First, breakfast here stinks. The French folks I know eat last night's stale baguette toasted. It does nothing to mask the fact that they're using old baguette, the most depressing food known to mankind. The Bonne Maman strawberry jam almost makes this bearable. The coffee, I'm told is pretty bad. I don't drink it, so I care very little. There aren't breakfast spots other than the occasional cafe that sells a breakfast of two liquids (juice and coffe), some carbs and maybe an egg. There are no cafes like this in our neighborhood, so we haven't tried one. With my hypoglycemia, I'd have to eat a meal before going out for breakfast anyway. So we're making eggs, cereal and oatmeal at home most days. Occasionally, if we're getting out early, we'll grab a croissant at the bakery across the street. As a result, I'm dying for a good First Watch breakfast--it'll be first on my list when I get home.
Second, lunch here stinks. We typically have three options: picnic, cafe or sandwich to go. Picnics haven't worked because it's so damned cold right now that I can't fathom sitting anywhere other than in a volcanic spring-fed pool to eat. Or Hell. Hell would be good.
Cafes have provided much warmth, but we've had so many disappointing, overpriced lunches that I could just scream! Not the
"$75 for lunch? Whaaat?" kind of scream,
but the "Holy crap--we paid $150 for THAT?" kind of scream.
The issue is that the places we're going are crawling with tourists, so they tend to serve the same things. Granted, I expected to have the biggies: onion soup, croque monsieur, omelette, escargot, steak/frites and mussels. But that's all we're finding here. Most cafes have limited menus that feature the typical things. Most tourists aren't staying as long as we have, so they don't require more variety. In fact, they prefer the standards.
The sandwich-to-go options are getting tired. The kids love baguette now, but the tuna isn't what they're expecting. The ham comes with either butter (which they don't like), veges (which they don't eat) or cheese (which the little heathens won't even try). Repeat these issues for any type of sandwich sold at bakeries.
I'm ever on the lookout for a good fixed-price 3-course menu--where I can try an entree, a plat and a dessert. But again, the stereotypical things are always on offer. If we didn't have the kids, we'd be able to venture out into less touristy areas, but I need to conserve their walking energy. So while I'd not hesitate to hop a Metro and go 30 minutes out of my way to find a great place normally, on this trip I get stuck hopping into any cafe I see when the kids are melting down. Recipe for disaster.
Third, dinner here stinks. But this one I can't blame on them. It's me. The kids (and me, in truth) can't wait until 7 PM to eat dinner. We have yet to enjoy a single true French restaurant dinner here. We mostly cook at home or grab something at one of the Vietnamese or Chinese places near the apartment. I'm generally cool with this, but it still costs twice what you'd pay for food of comparable quality back home. $10.50 for a bowl of pho that's smaller than I'd get at home for $6? Bummer.
The best meal we had was at a friend's house last week--terrific salad, duck, veges, dessert. It was lovely. And that's the take-home here.
The French cook well. They cook for themselves and don't eat out like we do. French restaurants are for tourists, so they don't need to provide the best. In fact, if they're too authentic, I imagine they don't do well. We've gotten used to this, so we tend to pick less-expensive places and get stuck in a feedback loop of bad meal leading to bad meal. Why pay more when we keep getting mediocre meals?
The departure of my husband yesterday sounded the death knell for truly enjoyable meals here in France. I'm unashamed, happy even, to admit he's a much better cook than I. He opens a refrigerator and sees opportunities when I see a bunch of leftovers and things that I don't feel like eating. Last week, he threw together a mushroom and shallot omelette with cheese, bread, jam and fizzy water (France's Badoit is our family favorite). Bryan's skill in the kitchen is a real disincentive to my attempts to learn to cook!
We leave Paris in three days and I'm optimistic that we'll get better meals. Oh wait, we're going to England. Well, at least I'll go home thinner than I arrived!
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